E10 E10 First Person Charlottesville - Incarcerated Mothers Advocate-Candace Williams

Maxicelia: Welcome to First Person Cville, the podcast. I’m your host, Maxicelia

Robinson. I’m also a co-host of ‘In My Humble Opinion’ from 101 Jamz.

I’m joined today by Candace Williams. Candace spent 18 years in central Virginia

prisons. She’s the founder of Legendary AveNew, LLC —

a consultancy that

advocates for incarcerated women, mothers, and caregivers.

Candace: A lot of people asked, how did you start a for profit while

you were in prison? It was simple. It was easy, just being able to

identify and go through a lot of the things that we went through as

women being incarcerated. One of my good friends was like why don't

you just take that pain and put it into purpose?

Max: And Candace went through a lot of pain while she was incarcerated. She was

in lockdown for about six months. Not only was she cut off from other women, her

friends, her parents, and her grandparents, she was also trying to raise three kids

from the inside —

one of which she gave birth to in prison while strapped to a bed.

Candace grew up on the other side of that equation. Her mother was in and out of

prison, starting when Candace was about six years old, leaving her mostly in her

older sister’s care. By the time she was a teenager, Candace was living with her

grandparents.

Candace: They gave me the love that I was yearning for, but at that

time, at that point in my life, I wasn't receiving it because I was

already angry. I was, I could say damaged, but I had been going

through a lot since childhood. And it was just something that I

wasn't trying to hear.

Candace: I glorified the street life.

Max: Why was that so appealing to you?

Candace: My childhood with my mom, like just seeing individuals that

would come around that was living that street life. Certain things

that they were able to get and then just you know being raised by my

grandma going in and out of the church and not having those things it

just made me something click in my mind and I was like I gotta do it.

Max: That seemed like the exciting life.

Candace: I wanted to do that.

Max: And it sounds like you never even still connected the dots

between while the lifestyle that mom was living seemed great to you,

look where mom is right now, that might mean that that lifestyle

leads to…

Candace: But the thing about it is, I always said I would never be

like my mom.

Candace: Grace Williams is great, my mom is phenomenal, but I'm

talking about as far as incarceration.

Max: Okay.

Candace: I'm gonna be able to do what I want to do and I'm not gonna

be incarcerated. I will always say that they say never and say never…

Max: Right. So you had some warning signs?

Candace: Oh, all the- listen.

Max: Mm-hmm.

Candace: I've had so many warning signs that I did not pay attention

to. I'm definitely telling you if I were to…who knows how my story

would have been written after this, but if I definitely would have

paid attention to the signs, I definitely wouldn't have been in that

situation. I didn't want to.

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[music]

Candace: So I remember getting to an age and, you know, really just

wanting to hang out. And I remember my grandparents going and buying a

cowbell. Anybody know what a cowbell is? It's like the loudest thing

and they used to put it on the back of the door.

Max: Okay.

Candace: Because I would sneak out to go out to either like U parties

or go places I wasn't supposed to go. So I got to the routine of where

I would get up because I knew my grandma and granddaddy was asleep.

Max: Mm-hmm.

Candace: And I will hold the bell part and open the door. And then

kind of leave a crack. And mind you, these are individuals that are

well seasoned in their age. They're sleeping in the house and I left

they door cracked and I would just take off and I will run to go to

wherever I went to. I could have looked at the signs that they did

kind of see it. They were trying to address it in their own way. And

that starts with that cowbell on the door. I think that was a way…

Max: But for you that was…

Candace: That was like, are y'all trying to hold me back? I'm trying

to live my life. But now that I'm older, I realized that that was my

grandma and granddaddy saying, okay, if we hear this cowbell, we can

get up and try to stop her.

Max: It was a good idea. But that cowbell didn’t work. One night, when she was in

her teens, Candace snuck out and went to a house party.

Candace: And I remember the dj coming on saying Candice Williams…

Max: Oh no they didn’t...

Candace:…your father is downstairs.

Max: Good for him though!

Candace: So I remember looking downstairs and my dad had on these

short shorts and these red Fila shoes. He was so embarrassing and I

seen him going like this and I tried to go out the back door. So he

ended up taking me to his house where I left again.

Max: Okay.

Candace: And I went to one of my cousin's house and the following day

my dad came and got me and took me to my grandma's house. So when I

got there my grandma was like somebody's on the phone for you. It was

my mom.

Max: Candace’s mom was turning her over to the state. Rather than sending her

back to her grandparents (and the cowbell) —

rather than having her live with her

dad —

Candace would be sent to live in a group home.

At the time, she was furious. She felt abandoned. Now, she says she understands.

She doesn’t blame her family for this decision.

Candace: This is how my father knew how to parent. This is how my

mother knew how to parent. This is when my grandmother thought that

was best for me at the time.

Candace: My grandma couldn't do it anymore. She was getting older. It

was just too much for her. I was doing too much.

[music]

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Candace: Now, my grandfather was a pastor.

Max: So not too short on words, right?

Candace: No, no. Always trying to instill the word in me. Always

trying to pray over me. Teach me how prayer and faith is everything

but also Grace.

Max: Okay.

Candace: And that's funny because that's my mom's name.

Max: Grace. Okay.

Candace: Yes. And I try to go through life now showing grace, empathy

to the situation. And that came from me being younger and having that

instilled in me, but I didn't put that into play until like I say 10

years into my incarceration.

[music]

Max: After a few years in group homes (which, incidentally, she ran away from, too),

Candace filed for emancipation, earned the right to control her own living situation,

and moved in with her dad.

Things started out good — she stopped running. She found out that she was

pregnant with her first child, but was committed to graduating high school.

Candace: [June 8th, 2004, I walked the stage, I was six months

pregnant with my oldest daughter. Okay. And I remember going home, it

was like that fire was taken off because I was like, all right, I

know I'm pregnant. I have this baby. I had to do something. I gotta

graduate. I gotta get something. But still, I didn't have all the

necessary equipment that I needed to be successful and especially be

a mom. So, quickly I fell back into almost the same routine. I was

you know um into the street life a little bit so this is how I knew

how to make my change so I didn't how to keep a job. I didn't know

how to budget. I didn't know how to do any of these things to be able

to sustain myself and my child. And then turned around and ended up

pregnant again.

Max: And then you deal with really a horrible situation where you are

part of, um something that occurred where a gentleman lost his life.

And as a result of that, you were sentenced to how many years in

prison?

Candace: Uh, I was sentenced to 18 years active. 16 years I did off

of that because I was able to get good time. 89.55555 is what they

give you for good time.

Max: Okay, and you were how old when you first went in?

Candace: Um, 22.

Max: Okay, 22, young, and that's another sharp turn in your life, so

now you're really isolated from family, and ain't no running, forced

to face thoughts, feelings, and emotions…

Candace: Mm-HMM. When I went in, I was definitely angry. Dealing with

depression, didn't really know how to cope with doing time. Nobody

prepared me for that. But! A lot of people say being incarcerated can

do two things.

Max: Okay.

Candace: It can either make you or break you. Bless the same eyes

made me. I went in with shattered pieces of a young girl and came out

with a beautiful image and portrait of a woman.

Candace: It was the women that were inside that I did time with. That

had long sentences…

Max: That helped you to change?

Candace: That poured into me. I say it all the time it's like I was an

oil lamp that was yearning for oil at the bottom because my light was

dimming out and those women were the oil to go in the bottom of the

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lamp and before I left they pour so much oil into me it's like a flame

that nobody can put out. Um, you might see me shy away for a second,

but it's like a flame. And that's the reason why I go so hard for the

women that I left behind because they went so hard for me in there.

So.

Max: Yeah and I don't want that part of the story to get lost because

I think that people make judgment that you know if a person who has

become incarcerated or gone to prison you're there as a matter of your

consequences of your choices and you are less of a person but you

know, they still have valuable lessons to teach. They still have

something to give, as far as I'm concerned. They still have something

to give and they gave to you.

Candace: They did.

Max: Okay, what do they help you learn about yourself? About life.

Candace: My worth. Respecting my temple, my body, always growing my

mind, education, being able to say this is not the end of me. In the

article, like I stated, going in with a state number and not letting

them strip me of a title of a mother, showing me how to navigate being

a mom from behind the walls.

Max: Was that hard?

Candace: Yes, it was until I had to sit down and really say hey,

“I

can't really do it on my own.

”

Max: Okay.

Candace: And really sit down with a lot of the women that I saw doing

it and pulling up a chair and saying,

“Hey, how are you weaving this

basket to make a birthday basket for your child to mail out? How do

you do that?” Like, Really getting to know these things and

understanding it. Really, just...I miss it. I know a lot of people may

say, oh my gosh, she was incarcerated, she just said she missed it.

That unity that I was looking for, it was in there. And it wasn't a

lot a women, but it was enough to be able to say, hey, I see you. And

I always try to just talk about that dynamic.

Max: While she was incarcerated, Candace started pouring back into the women

that poured into her. She started a program called Mending Hearts — a support

group specifically for mothers as they transitioned out of prison and back into family

life. She keeps that going today with Legendary AveNew, LLC: through programs

and advocacy, Candace creates space for healing, support, and second chances.

Men make up the vast majority of inmates in the Virginia Department of Corrections.

Which means that men also get the most services. “From our clothing to prison

programming to re-entry,” writes Candace, “the system is designed for men.”

Candace: So the focus for Legendary AveNew LLC is actually advocating

for the women who are incarcerated, providing resources while they are

still inside, getting their story out, their narrative, because you

can be in a situation that is life-changing to so many that you are

actually kind of like in the shadows and it's like your story doesn't

matter. You did it, you did it, you did it. But not taking away from

the families and the other individuals that have been involved, but

just talking about your journey and feeling unapologetic about it.

Max: When you talk about grace that you are extending to people,

considering your experiences, do you think about the grace that you

hope that other people who may have been impacted, who are in fact

impacted by some of the choices that you've made, the grace that you

hope they would extend back to you?

Candace: Yes. And that is a very touchy subject. But I always work

through everything. So I would love to see that happen, but I also

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have to understand, too, that not just a lot of damage, but a lot pain

has been caused. So in order for somebody to show me grace, I have to

allow God to continue to work through the situation. I can't force it.

… However, what I can do is continue to put my best foot forward. I…

Um. Hmm. I just don't want anybody to think that what I'm doing out

here is trying to showcase to hide the fact of what I did, but I also

want individuals to know that there is individuals that can't get

their loved one back. To get the opportunity to see how their life

would’ve played out. So I feel it will be a slap in the face to the

individuals that was impacted, to the community that was impacted to

come home and be in the same toxic cycle.

[music]

Candace: So though I would like to see grace shown to me, I know that

everybody is deserving of grace, but it has to be on their time. I

can't rush anything and I can fake the phony with it. I have to be

authentic and honest with myself and just continue to put my foot

forward.

Max: I think that that message is starting to come through in your

platforms, that you understand what you played a role in and that

what your choice is and how it has impacted people, their feelings

are valid, more than valid, and you're never trying to take away from

that. But you are trying.

“I'm trying to be better, maybe even trying

to prove to you that I'm being better. I'm trying to give back. I'm

trying to build a Candace 2.0.

”

Candace: Yes, and that's crazy that you just said that because in one

of the programs that I have, we talk about rights and responsibility.

Max: Mm-hmm.

Candace: I have the right to be able to live abundantly, but I have

the responsibility to hold myself accountable. Stand in my truth and

identify what the areas that I need to work on. I have a right to be

mom, but I have the responsibility to be able to make sure that I'm

pouring into my children with love, care, and understanding.

Max: Mm-hmm.

Candace: Because being gone for so long, you know, I have to be 100%

transparent with my kids and it's working to be able to tell them.

Okay. Listen, your mom was not all Peaches and creams. This is what I

did. This was how I did it. I lied. I manipulated. I tried to get

what I wanted. However, this is the reason behind it and telling my

story of my childhood so that way they understand so that way they

will learn from me and not you know make the mistakes that I made

hopefully right. But my kids are at a good age now but they're adults

basically and the decisions that they make I tell them that there's

consequences behind their action right. But the best thing about it

you know you had to wake up at night time and not have me there but

through this hard thing called adulthood you have me now.

Candace: And to all the young girls out there that may hear this

story, all mothers who feel like their young child needs to hear this

story, just pour into them as much as you can, ask questions, be

nosy, because that one act of, you know, curiousness could actually

change the course of their life forever.

Max: Amen to that amen to that. Thank you, Candace. I appreciate you.

Max: You can find Candace's article and more about Legendary AveNew at

charlottesville tomorrow dot org.

We want to hear your story — and tell the story of our community, together. Share

your perspective with First Person Cville at cvilleinclusivemedia.com/projects.

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The First Person Cville podcast is a production of Charlottesville Inclusive Media. It's

hosted by me, Maxicelia Robinson, and the In My Humble Opinion Talk Show. Like

what you hear? Subscribe and follow us at imhotalkshow.org.

Music for this episode came from Epidemic Sound. IMHO music was from God

Vamps by Miguel and Morris with NYC Bangers on production.

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